Confessions of a paranoid teenager
by drookit duck
Summary: Small fic based mainly in the mind of Dawn when she's thinking about Spike.
1. Chapter 1

Confessions of a Paranoid Teenager - By Drookit Duck

**_A.N. - Ok. I was bored so please forgive me for this drivvel. However I've been told to post it (told you understand, so don't blame me). So if you ever wonder what crazy Scottish girls get up to in Higher Chemistry, this should answer all queries. :) Please be kind._**

_Look at him. He's so hot. Dangerous. Mysterious...sexy...looking at me. Shit. Does he know? Can vampires read thoughts? Gawd, I hope not!_

_A smile. He smiled at me. I feel all floaty. Quick, Dawn, you moron, smile back! Dammit! Too long a pause. He looks offended. Have I offended him? No, he's worried! He's worried! Why's he worried?_

_Now he's looking away. He's watching Buffy. I'm so jealous. How dare she? She doesn't even want him!_

_Oh! He's frowning! That frown! Not a big frown - a slight, sexy, sexy, pouting frown. A mild concern. How poetic. He's lovely. I could melt._

_I need to sit down._

_I sit. I watch. No, I _spectate. _Spectate?... I watch._

_He's still watching my sister. She's ignoring him. Oh! He's looking down! Why is she so mean!_

_Wait. She's talking to him. No. She's shouting at him - yelling at him! What for?_

_Tara's spotted me watching him. She's tapping my shoulder._

"You want one?"

_I stare blankly. 'want one'? Do I want a Spike? What?_

"What?"_ I reply. Keep a casual face, Dawn._

_She frowns and shakes a paper packet under my nose._ "A sweet?"

_Oh. A sweet. Right! Candy! Yes, I'll have some candy! I take one._

"You OK?"

_Uh oh. She knows. She so knows!_

"Uh huh."_ be cool, Dawn, be cool._

"You just look...preoccupied."

"No. Nope. Nah, I'm fine!"_ Oh well done, Dawnie! Smooth move! Dawn, you are the master of cool. NOT._

_Tara nods and turns away. She's whispering something to Willow. They giggle. Man, why can't I be happy like that? They're so...gay...but also happy. Wait. What are they giggling about? At me? Oh no! They know! They're both smiling and Willow's stroking Tara's hair. It's OK, Dawn. They're just being affectionate. I'm so paranoid!_

_Buffy's stopped yelling at Spike. He didn't even yell back. Why not! What a wimp! Oh. Wait! There he goes. He's all tense and angry. Man, that's sexy... Should I be having these thoughts?_

_What the hell._

_Buffy's angry. She's going to hit him. Why would she do that? He can't hit back. It's not fair. She slapped him! Oh my Gawd! Oh, he's angry. He gonna- Oh, wait. He's containing it. He looks so mad. He's backed down. He's got a bruise from the bitch-slap. Poor Spike._

_Giles is hiding a smile. He's always loved it when Buffy does that. They're so mean._

_Spike's coming over. He looks so pissed off. He's sitting down next to me!_

"What's up, Nibblet?"

_That voice! That voice!_

_I'm shaking my head, _"Nothing."

"Yeah."_ he brings out a pack of cigarettes. Giles looks like he's gonna make a move to stop Spike lighting up but then shrugs and opts to ignore it._

_I really wanna know why Buffy hit him. I was sidetracked with Spike's hottness and missed the point. Damn._

"Why did-?"

_Oh crap. He cut me off with a stern look. That's bad, right? Something deep. Something personal. He doesn't want to share. I don't want to know anymore. I don't really want the visual thanks all the same. I know what they get up to. I'm not stupid - I'm just...on a Hell God's wanted list._

_I'm looking at him again - studying the side of his face. He feels me looking. I think. You ever get that? That happens sometimes, you can feel it._

_He looks up. The bruising's gone from Buffy's slap._

"Looks like I'm playing the role of babysitter tonight."

_I can't hide my smile._

"Rent a movie?"

_He's smiling. I did that. I made him smile. He takes the cigarettes from his lips._

"You're call, Little Bit."

_Speak, Dawn, speak! Goddam you! He'll suspect something._

"What's up, Love?"

_Oh no! He knows!_

"N-n-nothing."

_He's concerned. He cares! I feel so warm and mushy inside. :)_

_I am so pathetic. Of course he cares! I'm his responsibility! If he didn't care, I'd get hurt and Buffy'd stake him._

"What DVD's you got then, Sweet bit?" _He lights a cigarette. He totally chain-smokes. Surprised his teeth haven't turned yellow. I wonder if that happened would his fangs turn yellow too?_

"Um..."_ I'm raiding the DVD box, _"...Legally blonde?"

_He's staring. Oops! He thinks I'm taking the piss._

"Maybe not...or...um..."_ I fumble, I drop three cases. He picks them up and hands them to me. Sigh_

"Charlie's Angels?"_ he smirks. _"Never was one for Chick-flicks."

_I find myself giggling. I can't get rid of my smile. What's wrong with me!_

"She's nice, though."_ he taps the picture on the cover._

_Damn. A blonde. What's he got with blonde's? Maybe I could dye my-_

"Dawn?"

_He's staring at me. I've been too quiet._

"Could we..."_ think fast, Dawn, _"...go out for-for a walk?"

_He's nodding. He's frowning. We leave for a walk._

Spike and Dawn had been walking for a while. Dawn had been awfully quiet lately. Spike felt a need to cheer her up. Obviously something was bothering her.

Dawn was milling over possible conversations in her head. Spike was quite intimidating, even with the restraint chip in his skull.

Dawn thought about how much that must have hurt. Spike noticed the pained look on the teenager's face.

"What's wrong, Pet?" He laid a hand on her shoulder and Dawn felt suddenly very floaty.

"I'm fine-" she said but Spike had stopped walking. He was looking over to the left. Dawn found herself comparing him mentally to a wolf or something picking up a scent. Embarrassed suddenly she asked what had caught his attention. He lifted a hand to silence her and slowly headed in the direction in which he'd been looking.

Dawn followed close behind as Spike backed close to the wall and looked around the corner. He wasn't breathing - perfectly still. Dawn would have held her breath but realised he was dead... and she wasn't. And breathing to her was somewhat of a necessity.

Suddenly Spike launched into a dark shadow and started beating the undead crap out of a large, yellow-tinged demon whom Dawn hadn't even noticed.

Spike drew a deadly-looking axe from beneath his coat. Dawn mused that he must've concealed it before they'd left. _'So forward-thinking'_ she thought.

Spike swung the axe at the demon, slicing a gash in its arm. The demon barely so much as grunted. It grabbed the axe and threw Spike violently into the wall. Spike shook his head to clear his vision and pulled himself to his feet. He stood, glaring at the demon.

"I think you'll find," he said angrily to the demon who obviously didn't understand a word he was saying, "that axe is mine."

The demon ran at Spike who ducked unders its assault and kicked it from behind. The demon seemed unphased and battered Spike into the opposite wall from before and then came for Dawn.

Dawn whimpered and ran for it. The demon followed but turned out to be either lethgargic or unfit as it soon gave up. Dawn stood panting behind a dumpster until she was sure it was gone.

What was she to do? She should get Buffy, but what about Spike? Dawn resolved to return. She headed back.

Spike was lying against the wall, his legs outstretched in front of him.

"Are you OK?" Dawn asked. She noted Spike's shirt was ripped revealing an ugly wound from the axe.

"Ain't no walk in the park, that's for sure." Spike said, using the wall to help him to his feet. He coughed and spat some blood onto the damp ground.

"What happened?" Dawn asked, cringing at how obvious and stupid this question was.

"That did." he said, nodding behind her.

Dawn gulped and turned slowly to see the demon weilding Spike's axe. Its eyes blazed with an eerie fire from within its gruesome, yellow and mishapen skull. It grunted before lifting the axe.

"Oh." Dawn whispered, feeling glued to the spot. "...that could be...nasty?"

The demon grunted again and made to attack. Dawn readied for impact, but she wasn't expecting to be grabbed from behind. Spike took her into the shadow of the building and away from the beasts' line of fire.

Dawn looked up at her hero of the hour who was glaring at the demon with contempt and loathing.

"What're you gonna do?"

He looked down at her gravely, the night's natural light illuminating his features.

"I'm gon' get my axe back." he said, "Stay here." Dawn nodded. Spike ran at the demon and jumped onto its back. It seemed confused. Dawn covered her eyes but couldn't resist the temptation to watch through her fingers. Spike grasped the axe. The demon still held it. They battled for the weapon but the demon won. Spike was thrown against the wall again. The demon strided over to the vampire who lay crumpled on the ground. Spike let his face morph into demon visage. He snarled at the demon as he launched at it, catching it full-on. A new strength seemed to have embodied Spike. He grabbed the demon around the head and skillfully cracked its jaw. The demon fell, unbalanaced and howling in agony. Spike lifted it by its great yellow shoulders and snapped its neck, letting it slump to the sodden ground. Spike stood panting needlessly. Dawn came out from the shadows as Spike lifted the axe and replaced it through the back of his belt.

He placed an arm around Dawn's shoulders. "You alright, Lil Bit?" Dawn smiled and enjoyed the moment.

"Yep." she said.

"Bit of a boring night." Spike smirked as they headed back towards the house.

Dawn giggled.

"Breathe a word of this little expedition to Buffy-"

"I won't." Dawn assured him.

_That was...strangely fun. We're back now... watching 'Legally Blonde' I think Spike feels that he shouldn't argue because we almost got killed tonight._

_There's the door opening. Buffy's home. She's coming in. She's alone, so it must've been an uneventful night, she'll be angry. She must've only bagged a couple of vamps tonight._

_Oops. The place is a mess. She's gonna kill me. Pizza box on the floor. (Spike bought me pizza. With anchovies. He knows me so well!) Video and DVD boxes all over the place._

"Hey, Dawn, how was your night?" _she's ignoring Spike. That's not good. Man, he must've pissed her off!_

"Fine." _erm...I have to say something..._"We...um...watched...watched videos."

_She's staring at the tv, _"Legally blonde?"

"Not my choice!" _Spike's saying, standing up. His T-shirt's ripped and he's still bleeding. That's strangely attractive...wait! Surely he should've healed by now!_

"Thankyou, Spike."

_That sounded cold._

"You can leave now."!

_He's nodding. He's leaving. She's so mean! Can't she see I'm in love with him?"_

_She's with him at the door._

_They've been there talking for 10 minutes now! What could they possibly have to talk about?_

_She's coming back. The DVD's on mute and I still couldn't hear what they were saying.Damn. Spike's gone, I can see him leaving down the path lighting another cigarette._

"Dawn?"

_My sister's looking at me._

"Uh huh?" _I'm still watching Spike._

"Are you in love with Spike?"

_THUD! Big frikken alarm bells!_

_She's grinning at me. He told her! He knew all along! That bastard!_

"W-w-what!"

_Spike's still outside. I turn my gaze to the window. He winks and waves. That bastard! And I thought I was being so sly about it too!_

_**A.N.- Good? Bad? Sweet? Soppy? Awful? C'mon! Tell me what you think, tell me what you don't think. Tell me the name of your favourite Auntie, I don't care just review! (Not to sound too desperate of course) :)**_

_**XxX Hani**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A.N.- Wow! You guys rock! Those reviews were fabulous! Especially you guys who went on to review some of my other fics. :) Thankyou all so much. Some of you, (Nicola, SapphireAngl, H.I.MLOVER, greg, Riahannon and anna to name a few), asked for further updates so I decided to write another chapter for you all. So here it is. Please Enjoy and I LOVE recurring reviewers!**_

_**ps Lala, tell your Aunt Tash that I said hi :)**_

_**This time I want you all to tell me your favourite animal, ppl :)**_

_**XxX Hani**_

_Look at the two of them! It's pathetic! He's so in love with her and she likes him too. I know this. It's like _so_ obvious. She just doesn't wanna admit it._

_They're welcome to each other. I don't care. Look at me; not caring. In fact I don't care so much that I don't even care that I don't care. I don't find caring something to care about! So there!_

_He always gives her attention. Just 'cause he's in 'lurve' with her. And not me. Why doesn't he love me? Dammit!_

_I'm the epitome of pathetic._

_But those arms! He has his coat off. It's on the back of the chair I'm sitting on. Wait a minute..._

_Oops! I just jumped out of my chair! No _leaped_ out of my chair. They're all staring at me like a looney. Shit. He looks worried about me. Awww. I feel kinda guilty..._

_Be strong, Dawn, be strong. You're not speaking to him for being evil._

_But he can't help being evil. He has no soul. And being an evil creature is kinda all part of his charm._

_But he was nasty._

_But he's hot. _

_But he loves Buffy._

_But he did sit up most of last night watching girly movies with me. And he bought me my favourite pizza._

_But he told Buffy._

_But he saved me from demons!_

_But-but-but..._

_Oh no! I'm brain-stuttering!_

_But! But! Butt...butt. Oooh he has his back to me... he does have a nice bu- No! Bad,Dawn! Bad, naughty thoughts!_

_I'm still standing up. They're all still staring at me. Oops. Really should've said somethin', huh?_

_Sit down, Dawn, you moron!_

_They all know. If Spike didn't tell them (and I don't think he would - He just told _Buffy_. Grr.) Then I know my stupid sister would._

"Giving me the cold shoulder, huh, Love?"

_Oh crap! Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh major-league crap!_

"I'm not speaking to you."_ Oh way-to-go, Dawn! Good job at acting cool. Not. You dolt! I think I've hurt his feelings. There's the guilt again._

"I gathered that." _he's sitting down beside me. Oh those arms! No, Dawn. You're not speaking to him! He told Buffy._

_But I feel so bad._

_But he was nasty to me!_

_But he's hot!_

_But-but-but! Again with the brain stutter. But he really does have a wonderful- Dirty, dirty Dawn!_

Why did you tell Buffy?"_ A blank look. Where the hell did that come from? I've been sitting here for 5 minutes thinking about his butt. Why did I just speak? Stupid, stupid, Dawn._

"I had to tell her, Pet. Don't you understand?"

_No!_

"Yes." _Why did I say that!_

_He's holding a lighter. I know his cigarettes are in his coat pocket on the back of my chair.He's now flicking the lighter. I like that lighter. It's small and square and silver. They've got a special name...I think. I can't remember. I shall name it myself. I shall call it...Garfield. Damn that cute, cute cartoon._

"Can I see Garf- your lighter?" _Why did I ask that?_

"Yeah. Don't burn anything." _What? Does he think I'm gonna set him on fire or something! I'm insulted._

_Flick. Flick. I like that noise. Flick. Shit! I burned myself! Stupid bloody lighter.Ow! That hurt. Now he's smirking. Grr._

"Anyway. She'd work it out herself eventually. And I don't want her blaming you."

_Me? She's blaming me? It's his fault With his-his-his (there's that damn brain-stutter again) - his sexy, sexy hotness._

"Why would she?"

"Well..." _He's frowning. Uh oh, _"I don't, Love. Very often anyway..."

_Huh? _"Huh?"

"Well, you had the pepperoni and anchovies."

_Pizza? He means the pizza? Then...Buffy worked it out herself? He didn't tell her? Then, he doesn't know... Wait. If Buffy knows...then..._

_Am I that obvious!_

_**A.N- Well there you are. It's not the best I could have come up with but I hope it'll do. :) It was kinda one of those Angel on my right and Devil on my left kinda stories. Can't you just imagine little miniature Dawn -Angel and Dawn-Devils? **_

_**Please review and remember... My favourite animal is...**_

_**(Mine is a horse)**_

_**XxX Hani :)**_


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